I realise that I've done a lot of writing about Kenya over the last few posts but it's been on my mind for a long time. I'd never really taken the time to think about what I learnt from the experience and how I'm moving on from there now. There are many more posts I could write about what I learnt from the country, it's people and culture; as well as an equal number of things I dislike about Kenya, the things that have annoyed me beyond belief. The corruption, the lack of infrastructure, the gap between rich and poor, the traditional attitude to women/children/disabled people etc. at the end of the day those things get pushed to the wayside by photos like this one...
My recorder class each with their personal choice of colour certificates...
I have been incredibly lucky over the years to have met some inspirational, transformational, basically one in seven billion people (I know it's cheesy but it's the truth).
During my 18 months in Kenya my experience would not have been the same without the amazing people I met, lived with and got to know as family.
So I just want to take this chance to reflect on what these people taught me during that time...
In the short life of this kitten (before she was eaten by our dog), I learnt about fearlessness in the face of adversity and courage in the face of huge obstacles.
I had to get a cat, after finding a rat nibbling my sleeping bag during the night... Tabby was not just any kitten.
Choosing the precise place where I put my head on the bed as the place she was going to sleep, that reassuring purring presence at a time when I was having a particularly difficult time in my work really made a difference. Being able to care for something outside of myself, that depended on me for food/shelter gave me a purpose outside of the difficult stuff that was going on. It may have only been a short life for a kitten and perhaps I shouldn't have gone away for the weekend leaving her in the care of my little brothers and sisters... but I'm grateful for the chance to learn from a cat!
I've already told you a little about the family who took me in during my 2010 stay and welcomed me back prodigal daughter style when I returned in 2011. But particular members of that family taught me more than I could have ever asked for.
My Kenyan mum, Esther is the strongest, bravest and most inspirational woman I have ever met. Awake before anyone preparing the fire, milking the cow, making tea, getting the kids up for school, heading out to the fields to tend the crops or pick tea, having lunch ready on time, back to the fields, collecting firewood, cleaning the compound, milking the cow again, fetching water, preparing dinner and getting everyone to bed... all without complaint, with a smile on her face and always ready to help someone in need. When I first arrived we struggled to communicate fully because she'd not really spoken English before. But by the end of the year we were talking about what had happened in our days with a cup of tea in hand like millions of other mother/daughters the world over. Esther taught me the importance of just being there with someone and listening. She taught me what it means to be a mother (with 7 children she's had a lot of experience). It was like having a kind of 'maternal force field' around me, Esther made me feel safe in a place I didn't really know and will probably never really fully understand. Kenyan mothers are not really the kind to show physical affection for their kids but upon reaching home every evening we would greet each other with a hand shake and ask how the day had been. That positive connection through a simple hand shake told me that I was loved and cared for more than any hug ever has. (I could tell you about my Kenyan mum all day! But just thinking about how much I miss her, I'm going to have to take a break and move on.)
My Kenyan younger brothers and sisters, I now consider myself to have many more brothers and sisters than I had when I left for Kenya in January 2010. While with some of the older ones I didn't quite always see eye to eye; the younger ones have drastically changed the way I look at life forever. The boundless energy of these kids. Their ability to dream beyond their circumstances and to just be there with a smile even when it's pouring with rain outside constantly surprised and uplifted me.
The other volunteers in Kenya and also all over the world through our organisation's federation taught me about the incredible ability of young people to get out there and do something. Not just in their projects but in their host families, communities, with friends and other volunteers. A very wonderful friend from the UK was also undertaking the research project that formed my last 6 months in Kenya. Being able to email her (and others involved too) helped me see that I was not alone in my confusion of where to go next with it but also taught me about their strengths too. She also taught me that while I was in a very difficult situation with my Nairobi host family, I didn't deserve to have to stay there. Her words from half a world away were actually some of the only ones that really made sense. Yes, it took me 4 1/2 months to get out of that oppressive/unpleasant house but without her words teaching me that I was worth more than the struggle, I would have remained there until the end of my stay.
Simplest of all, they taught me how to smile. Part of the reason that my name became Chebeibei (Che-by-by) - the smiling girl, as well as the phrase "if you don't laugh you'll cry" often ringing true. Even on the most difficult days, the children taught me that I could still smile. That it didn't cost me anything to put my difficult thoughts or feelings to one side and laugh/dance or play with them. On the occasions when they asked me awkward questions that I didn't know the answer to, usually I made something up; usually just an answer was enough. Whether it was correct or not didn't matter... all that really mattered was who was next to be boosted into a tree or swung around by their armpits.
In a place full of children I was never far from a smile and a cheerful 'Mzungu!' (European) call! On the days when all I wanted to do was quietly read a book in a corner of our compound it wouldn't be long before my best friends would be surrounding me looking for the camera, phone, football... I didn't care, the interruption was well worth it. They taught me that I was worthy of a smile and able to give that smile back to others. It didn't matter that most often we didn't speak a word of each other's languages or that I was so tired and thought I didn't have anything left to give. They gave me their love freely and regardless.
My Kenyan younger brothers and sisters, I now consider myself to have many more brothers and sisters than I had when I left for Kenya in January 2010. While with some of the older ones I didn't quite always see eye to eye; the younger ones have drastically changed the way I look at life forever. The boundless energy of these kids. Their ability to dream beyond their circumstances and to just be there with a smile even when it's pouring with rain outside constantly surprised and uplifted me.
My littlest sister wants to be a pilot, so that she can see the world but also take others with her. She's a brilliant engineer, can fix literally anything but does have to take it apart a few times first. More than that she's always there to help someone out. To carry the weight, to run for help, to sit with you when you thought you were alone. She's taught me that you don't have to reach the dreams you have before you start making a difference, you can do it right from where you're at now.
My littlest brother is just like any other 11 year old boy the world over, he doesn't really know what he wants to be but in the meantime, he'd be happy being a footballer (or part time Jackie Chan). He's a ball of energy that's hard to contain. He gets easily distracted by the smallest thing when he's supposed to be watching the cows. He was the inspiration behind my U14's football teams, read a little more about that story here. He's a leader of the people and has a great talent for bringing you along with his crazy schemes. He has the nickname of 'Director' that gives you some idea of his passion for being in charge. But the day that he taught me the most was the day he went on a journey that took him past an airport for the first time. In his excitement in the days leading up to the trip and upon his return we could barely keep him still. His joy at seeing something for the first time taught me that we need to keep our eyes open because we never know when we might see something amazing. His enthusiasm as he retold the story to me many times over the next week was contagious, even though I've seen planes many times before, I was there with him. He taught me that if you believe in something, if it gets you excited and makes you want to tell someone about it; do it! Tell them with all you have and they will come along with you for the ride.
I could tell you so many more stories of my other siblings and what they've taught me. My 17 year old little sister who gave birth to a beautiful baby boy and taught me that there's always a hope for the future and that we all have something to be proud of and to keep fighting for. My 16 year old little brother who while the shyest of the bunch taught me that it's okay to be quiet and just be there. His presence just 'there', often without words, when I needed help made all the difference.
I also gained a new English/Kenya little sister who came to volunteer with me in the project and lived in the same family in the village. I think that now is the time to reflect on just how much she taught me and is still teaching me since she arrived in Kiptere in February 2010.
We spent almost every day together for the 3 months of her stay. She taught me that it's okay to ask for and accept help. No more so than on the first occasion I was sick (first of many fights with amoeba). While I tried to battle on and prove that I was strong enough to always be okay, she saw straight through me and made the decisions for me to go to the hospital. She helped me so much by while really wanting to know the truth to 'how are you?', being content to just be there with my 'fine'. She's also taught me that there is a song for every occasion and that it's possible to find the funny side of every situation. We got ourselves into many a 'scrape', whether that was cattle rustling from someone who owed the project money, dubious taxi drivers in Tanzania or just soap stealing cows in our own compound. Little sis, I'm sorry that we don't keep in touch so much now that we're home but the things you taught me will stay with me forever. I think of the good and incredibly annoying 'Argh Kenya' moments we shared together in just 3 short months and I'm grateful that I got to share them with you. You taught me that friends really are the family you choose for yourself but sometimes a new sister might 'fall into your midst' and that's a gift to be thankful for. Finally you taught me that sometimes even if a hug is all you can give in a situation; it really can make a difference. Chepkemoi, nikumiss sana!
The other volunteers in Kenya and also all over the world through our organisation's federation taught me about the incredible ability of young people to get out there and do something. Not just in their projects but in their host families, communities, with friends and other volunteers. A very wonderful friend from the UK was also undertaking the research project that formed my last 6 months in Kenya. Being able to email her (and others involved too) helped me see that I was not alone in my confusion of where to go next with it but also taught me about their strengths too. She also taught me that while I was in a very difficult situation with my Nairobi host family, I didn't deserve to have to stay there. Her words from half a world away were actually some of the only ones that really made sense. Yes, it took me 4 1/2 months to get out of that oppressive/unpleasant house but without her words teaching me that I was worth more than the struggle, I would have remained there until the end of my stay.
We were all such different people all with the same goal but going about it in different ways. I am proud of their achievements too and recognise that the compiled report in no way showcased the incredible things they managed to do in just 6 short months. Young people as volunteers have taught me just how malleable and formative our young adult years are. The change in people over their volunteer placements just proves to me that anyone can learn and grow into the kind of person they've always wished to be. None of them have an easy time but everyone I spoke to during the research attested to the fact that volunteering overseas can't fail to change you. If you're that way inclined there's some video interviews from them here.
The Little Sisters Of Mercy. Upon discovering these two wonderful Sisters of the Catholic Church there in Kiptere, with a wealth of experience of about 40 years in Kenya between them, I realised just how lucky I was. These two ladies took care of me when I was sick, provided me with opportunities to shine and make a difference and allowed me the luxury of a hot, solar shower at their home once in a while. Setting up projects and schools for so many years and just constantly giving to the community around them taught me of their amazing strength, patience and courage. I was able to share many cups of coffee just chatting about what was going on or Sunday morning breakfast after 7am Mass wondering about what the next week had in store for us. The most important thing that I learnt from these women was from their commitment to what they believe in. They hold firmly to their faith and that is what keeps them doing a very difficult job where many would have given up years ago.
I may now be readjusting what I think I believe of the God of the Christian tradition they belong to but I do still believe in something.
In the potential of young people to transform their communities and make a difference in the world. In the ability of every human being to overcome anything and especially when working together with others. I believe in the possibility of recovery for everyone, from almost anything. I learnt that I need to hold fast to those things that I believe in; I need to commit myself fully and without excuse to those beliefs, because they are what will keep me going on the days when I think I couldn't possibly make it through.
In the potential of young people to transform their communities and make a difference in the world. In the ability of every human being to overcome anything and especially when working together with others. I believe in the possibility of recovery for everyone, from almost anything. I learnt that I need to hold fast to those things that I believe in; I need to commit myself fully and without excuse to those beliefs, because they are what will keep me going on the days when I think I couldn't possibly make it through.
The children who surrounded my every day life in Kiptere will be the final group I reflect on here.
Simplest of all, they taught me how to smile. Part of the reason that my name became Chebeibei (Che-by-by) - the smiling girl, as well as the phrase "if you don't laugh you'll cry" often ringing true. Even on the most difficult days, the children taught me that I could still smile. That it didn't cost me anything to put my difficult thoughts or feelings to one side and laugh/dance or play with them. On the occasions when they asked me awkward questions that I didn't know the answer to, usually I made something up; usually just an answer was enough. Whether it was correct or not didn't matter... all that really mattered was who was next to be boosted into a tree or swung around by their armpits.In a place full of children I was never far from a smile and a cheerful 'Mzungu!' (European) call! On the days when all I wanted to do was quietly read a book in a corner of our compound it wouldn't be long before my best friends would be surrounding me looking for the camera, phone, football... I didn't care, the interruption was well worth it. They taught me that I was worthy of a smile and able to give that smile back to others. It didn't matter that most often we didn't speak a word of each other's languages or that I was so tired and thought I didn't have anything left to give. They gave me their love freely and regardless.
Teaching me to do the same.
Each individual child holds a special place in my heart and will never be forgotten, even as they forget me as the years pass by. Others may not be able to distinguish the difference between their big smiling faces but I can and I know their stories, their fears and many of their dreams for the future. As well as teaching me that it's always possible to smile, they taught me that the heart's capacity for love is endless.
Most of all I hope that I will never forget this.
So as well as all the practical things that living in rural Kenya taught me (how to hand wash clothes, light a fire, carry water on my head, plant/weed all manner of crops, squeeze into a bus already 10 people over capacity, bargain a street seller down that last 5p to get the best deal and hundreds of other things), I learnt so many other things that will also stay with me for life. I met incredible people, saw breathtaking sights and experienced things that can only be seen in Kenya. Yes, I'll be the first to admit that those 18 months were not easy.
In my preparation to volunteer overseas many people questioned the strength of my ability to undertake the challenge. I hope that along with proving them wrong and achieving a whole lot in a relatively short time, I have also begun to prove myself wrong in some of the false things I believed about the world or even about myself. The truth is that despite all the difficult days and annoying moments, I have never felt so accepted, appreciated and loved in any other place in the world than right there in the village.
I hope that by also sharing some of my reflection with you it might encourage you to look back over the last few years and see just how much you have learnt too. Whether you travelled or remained at home, met new people or hung out with the same old crowd, did things that scared you or decided against them.... You have learnt something.
If you can take the time to think about it I am pretty confident that you will discover that you not only learnt things about the world and about other people, you will have learnt an awful lot about yourself too.
If I was to boil this whole thing down to one thing... as if that's even possible...
What would be the most important thing that I learnt from Kenya?
Simply...
I learnt to live...
No matter how difficult things are, all you have to do is simply be, just there where you are...
in reality a lot of the time that really is the best thing you can do...
in reality a lot of the time that really is the best thing you can do...
If you didn't know that I like to talk about Kenya, by now you might have realised just how much I value the experience... but I do recognise that you're all getting tired of my stories by now!
(thank you for putting up with me this long!)
So I'm trying to reign it in...
but won't mind if on the odd occasion that I might go on a bit,
you are allowed to tell me enough's enough...
I'll just come back here and write about it some more!
1 comment:
I think this is very beautiful and moving and humble and positive and so many other things. Is there a way for it to be shared more widely?
I feel very touched, Laura. Huga!
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